Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: Hey, everyone. Welcome back to Inchstones the podcast here that illuminates the lives of mothers, caregivers, and families of children and young adults with autism. And today's conversation is going to be a little different and I'm really, really grateful to be sharing it with you. I'm joined by Stacy and Zach Ennis. Zach is an autistic young adult and he is very interested in coming on the podcast to share about his life and his experiences and his perspective in his own words.
One of the things that I care deeply about here on Inchstones is always making space for honest conversations about autism, caregiving, adulthood, dignity, connection, and really the humanity that exists beyond labels and assumptions.
So today we're going to simply listen. And Zach and Stacey, thank you so much for being here.
[00:00:52] Speaker B: Thank you.
[00:00:54] Speaker C: Thanks.
[00:00:55] Speaker A: Zach, what are some things in your life right now that you really enjoy and look forward to?
[00:01:01] Speaker C: I love watching movies, reading, hanging out with my friends at Judy House and going on trips with my friends in the community around New Jersey. That's awesome. And also I look forward to friends Friday night community dinners and theater film class with my friends and going to the local Japanese on Saturday nights and the village diner dinner on Sunday.
[00:01:36] Speaker A: You sound like you have a pretty busy week. Honestly.
[00:01:39] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:01:40] Speaker A: You know, hey, Zach, if I had to spend a full day with you, what would I learn about you pretty quickly?
[00:01:48] Speaker C: That I would be a very busy person and I like to be busy and I have a packed schedule of activities and I would learn to cook, do laundry and joining Despi house groups. I also enjoy going to different types of just be house engagement and enrichment program trips on the weekends.
[00:02:13] Speaker A: What are some ways that you like to connect? Communicate or connect with others? It sounds like you have a really awesome community that you are in that provides so many different opportunities.
What are ways you like to communicate or connect with other people?
[00:02:28] Speaker C: I love to hang out at the Judy House with friends and doing structured activities.
I also like to text my friends and invite them to meals at local restaurants and on walks with me. I also like to introduce my friends to each other. I love to call and text my family members and check in again.
[00:02:53] Speaker A: Zach, I think that you have a really busy schedule and I'm really like loving this independence that you have.
Can I come live over there? That sounds wonderful. Plus, I love being in New Jersey. Zach, what's something you wish more people understood about you that you wouldn't have to explain?
[00:03:08] Speaker C: I wish that people understood how I think without me explaining it.
I like to compare my life to A movie and all the good characters in it. I especially like when there is a moral to the story, when there is evil in the world, it reminds me of evil movie villains and it upsets me and makes me nervous.
[00:03:38] Speaker A: What I've learned from autistic individuals is that the depth in which you feel is so powerful and real. And I'm so glad that you shared that right now as an example. So next question would be what are you really good at? Like, what do you feel most proud of being, Zach?
[00:03:52] Speaker C: I feel proud of my accomplishments, of learning to live independently on my own, socializing with my friends, working with the TCC seniors for work, and doing DUST B house theater classes.
I also feel proud of my brother Kyle, mom, dad, friends and grandparents.
[00:04:17] Speaker A: Well, again, your life. Yeah. Child to the moms, which is again, always so important here. You know, I think that there again you're sharing such a, such a robust and full life and you should be so proud of that. I think that even in answering these questions right here and now, the ability for you to even plan and, and, and share all this shows again, what I always love to illuminate with the autistic individuals that I talk with and also their parents and caregivers is how beautiful and big your life is with the right support. I just, I love hearing it. Thanks, Zach. Have there been any moments where you feel especially seen or really understood?
[00:04:58] Speaker C: The moments where I felt especially seen or understood were where I spoke up for myself to advocate for the rights of adults with special needs in the DustB House community, at events.
A moment that made it different for me was when I learned that I can speak up for myself and what I believe in, in making a difference in society.
[00:05:24] Speaker B: Zachary loves to advocate for the community.
[00:05:28] Speaker A: That's such a. That you can tell that, Zach, that that's a, that's a real through line in, in who you are. It sounds like you do that for your friends just as a being a good friend. It sounds like you're doing that as, as a son and how you're even telling your mom, you know, in your thanks for what her, she and, you know, your family does, you know, what are then, you know, on the opposite end. What are some challenges that, that you face that maybe people don't notice right away?
[00:05:53] Speaker C: Not expressing myself, learning to do some adult tasks independently and not having thoughts when someone in my life reminds me of a movie character.
[00:06:05] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:06:05] Speaker A: Do you think that, do you think that those challenges have changed as you've gotten older?
[00:06:12] Speaker C: Yes. With the right support and testing, definitely.
[00:06:16] Speaker A: Well, Zach, what are your hopes for the future and what makes you get excited? And are you working towards anything right now?
[00:06:25] Speaker C: Yes, my hopes for the future are. Anything that I'm excited about is living my best life, living independently, and getting on a podcast to share my story about living with autism.
[00:06:41] Speaker A: Well, I love it. We're not. We're not, you know, NBC here, but Inchstones is going to get. Get it out to the world, I promise you. Zach, for the last question for you before we chat with your mom a bit, if you could teach people one thing about autism from your perspective as being Zach, what would that be?
[00:06:56] Speaker C: It would be to work really hard, being kind to others, lending support and having a positive attitude to someone like myself who is a differently abled adult man in society.
[00:07:10] Speaker A: Zach, I'm so grateful for how you put that.
I sometimes think that we overthink the lessons, and it's really as simple as knowing that behind you, Zachary Ennis, and how you just are as a human is a full soul with full dreams and full desires and full perspective and full potential. And I'm just. I'm so thankful for. For you sharing this space today. I want to move over to talk with your mom a little bit and feel free to interject about anything as we're sharing here, too.
Stacy, obviously this has been a journey for you, and you have known Zach since day one. And there's not a single person in this world that would ever come close to being an expert on Zach as you. What has Zach taught you about the world that you know that you probably wouldn't have learned otherwise?
[00:07:57] Speaker B: As a mom taught me a lot. He. He's taught me about patience, resilience, understanding of people who are different from me and others.
He led me down a very different path than I originally started on. I have become an advocate for this population, the neurodiverse population.
He's made me more aware of people, made me a better listener.
I've become a lot stronger than I ever thought I was or could be.
And he's led me down the path of volunteering and advocacy, and he's just opened my heart up to so many things. And he's the kindest, most amazing, most incredible person I know.
[00:08:46] Speaker A: It's. You hit on something that I talk about a lot here at Inchstones which is like the reorientation that having a neurodiverse child does to a mother and family, and I always like to use that word, and you. And you touched upon it so beautifully, is that it's not that it happened to you. It happened for you and Zach. You know, you're just talking about all these things that you're so deeply a part of and, and in your community and, and Stacy, you're, you're basically saying, yes, and like, what? I get to do this as a mother. And it was never something that I ever would have thought was on this road that I envisioned when you became a mother to Zach. And I think it's one of the most powerful ways that we get to in life to have a different perspective is it fully reorients you and Zach. I mean, you're even touching upon it now. Like as you get older, you are reorienting to the opportunities that you have because you're in a position where the support and the scaffolding is there for you. And that does get rooted in, you know, Stacy being your mom and what that has. So I love that you hit upon that, Stacey, because it's again, it's grown you, it's regrouped you in the ways. And we talk about that a lot here on Inchstones What have been, you know, some of the most surprising moments, you know, in your relationship as he's grown.
Sorry, this is embarrassing. Zach.
[00:10:03] Speaker B: I think Zach knows he's one of my close friends. I mean, Zach and I have things in common that, you know, maybe a lot of other mother sons don't have. But we both love books, we love Broadway shows.
Our two favorite shows, I would say, are wizard of Oz and My Fair Lady. Zach would agree.
[00:10:25] Speaker A: So good.
[00:10:27] Speaker B: We both love.
[00:10:27] Speaker A: I won't sing My White Knight. I will not sing My White Knight for you right now. I promise.
[00:10:31] Speaker B: Zachary might break into songs, but we also, we love Netflix series. One of our favorites is Love on the Spectrum.
Zachary is really an old soul and very romantic and that's why he loves, you know, My Fair Lady, I think for me was watching the growth that Zachary has made as a child.
He was more impulsive, more aggressive. He couldn't express himself.
And watching him develop into this mature, loving young man who's advocating and communicating for his community and himself, I'm just in awe of him and I love spending time with him. We also have a love for food, so we enjoy fine dining together.
[00:11:20] Speaker A: Us New Jerseyans close to New York, we just, we can't help but have that be a part of us. Right? You know, I think, you know, gosh, I think about, I have a typical developing teenager and I've got my two with profound non speaking autism. And I think about what you just said in terms of that relationship and how you've grown into being good friends. And it's. It's going to choke me up here because I think it's one of the greatest things that any mother or parent desires as their children get older is to have a friendship, have a symbiotic coming and going and just sharing as adults, you know, what it's like to have the human experience.
And I think what is sometimes failed to be illuminated in the autism community of the families is how beautiful that relationship is that you get to have. That sometimes don't even happen in typical families, right? There's kids that fly the nest and they just go and they never touch base again. Or they have, you know, their own set of trauma or emotional, you know, barriers or boundaries. And how amazing it is to hear you say that you both have such a deep friendship with each other. That's like the parent lottery. That's the parent lottery, I'm telling you.
[00:12:31] Speaker B: On that note, one of the things that Zachary does every day, and I don't know if I tell him enough, how it makes my day so special, and then I'm gonna get tear is I wake up every day to a good morning mom text to have a great day and enjoy my day. And every night he wishes me good night and tells me, you know, that he loves me and it's the most meaningful part of my day and I look forward to it. And if I don't get that text, I'm in a panic.
[00:13:01] Speaker A: But I think that again, it's like it's the beautiful byproduct of what true loving support looks like. And I'm not saying it takes away from how hard or how difficult, you know, it is to navigate this, right? And Zach, for you too, it's. You understand that there's a lot of support that goes into helping you navigate the world. And that's not bad, that's not wrong.
The byproduct of that is this incredible intangible emotional connection with your mom and family that I know is such a life luxury that parents go into being a parent dream of one day. So what a luxury it is that you guys get to have that together. I love that. And I think that's going to speak a lot and speak volumes to the Inch Zones community here on the podcast.
Stacy, one last question for you. What do you. What do you realize or want, you know, professionals, other parents that would better understand supporting someone like Zach? Because obviously your entire mission in life's work has been doing that for Zach. But then Also speaking that truth as an advocate and building systems for others, you know, what do you wish? What do you wish that others knew about that?
[00:14:13] Speaker B: I think it's the acceptance and then the joy that comes after that.
I've experienced so much joy and love having Zachary. I receive so much joy and love and so does Zachary. As you know, I've said I do a lot of different events surrounding the community that he lives in and other various organizations here that support the neurodiverse community. And the amount of love and support we receive from friends and family is priceless.
And Zachary has really taught me so much about not giving up and just working through things and having a positive attitude.
He's so loving and caring and he just doesn't see the negative in people. Even though he's learned that through Disney, he doesn't have that part to his personality. He's just so kind. And I think that in working with this community and being around Zachary and his peers, I see the kindness and the just. They're just so kind and loving and so accepting, you know, and they just love the support and I love being involved and advocating for this community. And had Zachary not been in my life, I would have never had this path.
[00:15:37] Speaker A: Yeah, there's a, it's, there's always yes and the nuance of everything is yes and, and the complexity is baked in to the role as is and what it can illuminate. Like you said, this kindness, this purity of heart, I experienced that so much with, with my two and they might not be able to speak it into words, but boy do I see it in their eyes. And I think that that's why this entire world of autism, parenting and caregiving, whether you have a child that has lower support needs and speaking and higher functioning to children like mine, who will likely require 24, 7 care that doesn't divorce the fact of what it does to a mother and caregiver to, to, to evolve and to, to embrace and to expand these exact things of kindness, love, purity of heart because it's so baked in to these, to these kids, it's so innate to them and I love that, I love that they don't know anything else.
[00:16:35] Speaker B: And communication comes in many forms and Zachary communicates very clearly a lot through texting and writing.
A lot of times I ask him to write his feelings down, you know, and communicate that way. And that's very helpful.
[00:16:52] Speaker A: And that's, you know, again, I love that you talked about, you hit on a little bit the earlier days and what was experiencing that's also just for typical mothers too, to remind you, like, there is gonna be a change, you know, and the change is part of living and growing and developing even if that developmental path does not look typical. Right. And I think that the, we need to that, that the power of the present moment doesn't go away. You know, I, I have an 8 year old little boy and sometimes I think what is, what is him's autism and his, you know, whole body apraxia and what is him just being a little eight year old stinker? Like who? You know, I don't know if you, Zach, were a climber, but good Lord, my son wants to climb on everything.
And you know, sometimes I wonder is that his behavior is autism or apraxia and not understanding things or is that just him being a little eight year old boy? I think the humanity part of this is, I'm so glad that we're you're talking about this is like we get to see this from so many different angles as autism parents and reorients you and it can disorient us sometimes, but at the end of the day it just expands what you know to be true about the fullness of the souls and the heart behind these kids.
[00:17:59] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:18:01] Speaker A: Well, thank you both. I think this is going to be an incredible episode that just shines the light on the mother and son aspect of things. Zach, thank you so much for answering so eloquently and hopefully it encourages you to do more speaking and forward speaking like this on podcasts in the future and sharing them so openly.
Stacy, thank you for having the perspective. I know that as a mom, walking alongside him into adulthood is the gift and I know that. And I think that your words illuminate that as well. And I just think conversations like these continue to matter more and more and really help us slow down. I think that we live in such a fast world where there's so many decisions being made about this population. What is, what isn't, what's not, what can be. And we can see the person first through these kinds of conversations.
And to everyone listening, thank you so much for being here on the Inchstones podcast and we will post all the different resources and ways that you can get to know adults with autism on the spectrum and what their possibilities and where opportunities lie for them. Thank you everyone.
[00:19:04] Speaker B: Thank you so much for having us.
[00:19:06] Speaker C: Thanks.
[00:19:06] Speaker A: You're so very welcome. Until next time here on the Inchstones podcast, Thanks.
